Motherhood, death and dryers

September 13th, 2007 I embraced motherhood with a beaming face. October 7th, 2007 I bore the anguish of my mother's sudden death. Now seven months later I am still capable of telling my story.

I have grown more than most people at 21 can comprehend. When I first told my mother I was pregnant it was a wonderful horrible surprise. I was not yet married to this person whom I had been with since high school and things had not been easy between the two of us by any means. Although underneath all her frustration, excitement began to settle in. Soon I began getting cards in the mail quite frequently with words of joy and wisdom. You see, mom had just moved to Baltimore one year prior to be with my stepdad. It was the first time in over 30 years that she had move out of Oklahoma, let alone this neighborhood! Anyway the days grew closer to baby Parker's birth she visited more and more. Until finally the day came and mom was right by my side coaching me through labor.

It was a wonderful month, being a mother was amazing, spending all that time with my mother was refreshing, and having most of the family come seeing Parker was so nice. Unfortunately we would all be together again much sooner than we knew. My mom and stepdad at the end of the month went to Boseman, Montana to spend a week. At the end of their trip on the way back to Baltimore my stepdad's private plane went down in Ekalaka, Montana. Neither survived.

Every time when I think back on the occurrences I question how I am not more of a wreck. If the loss of a mother isn't enough, then throw on top any of the following: loss of my father at 9, no siblings or any feeling of immediate family to share, all family lives out of my state, having my first child, a failing relationship. My girlfriends and I use to joke about, where is my self-help book? But this story is not meant to bring you down although it is sad.

The purposes of sharing this story is a long list. It is to bring encouragement, because despite all I am going up against I have become more headstrong than ever. This life changing tragedy has been melded into many things good. It had taught me a lot about cherishing this life and those we have it in. It has made me more aware of my surroundings, encouraging me to take more interest in my neighbor and to start recycling for this Earth, to be more self-reliant. Tonight I took apart the dryer when it quit working. I am successfully managing myself, my son, what to do with my relationship, my mother's house that I currently live in, her two rental properties, her estate and the list goes on and on. It makes me thankful that my mother had prepared me as a young woman to be able to depend on my own abilities. I have taken this experience and turned it into an enlightening chapter of my life. And I would encourage all those in hardship to find light in the darkness.